The reluctant Army wife
By: Gina Barone
Issue date: 11/23/09 Section: Opinion
When I met my husband, he was in the Army. It is not a big secret military families spend much time apart, and this fact was not appealing to me.
Skip forward to when his unit was set to deploy in Iraq. We knew long before it ever happened. The only alleviating factor was his contract was to be completed before that time arrived.
The term "Stop Loss" came up around this time, a policy forcing a soldier to deploy with his unit within 90 days, regardless of his contract being up. At this time, a new Secretary of Defense, Robert Gates, was appointed and shouted loudly about eradicating this policy, which had long since been done away with in other branches of the military.
I had never planned on being an Army wife. However, I watched as my husband became a casualty of the Stop Loss policy.
People told me a lot of things, everything from how the time will fly to the latest war violence on the news, which, by the way, was "SO appreciated" (insert sarcasm here).
I spent 15 months separated from my husband. He came home briefly on leave after four months, for two weeks, after which I was separated from him for almost a year.
The time did not "fly by." In fact, almost a year after having him home, I can say it was truly the longest, most difficult, gut-wrenching and horrifying experience of my life. I would not wish it on my worst enemy.
Recently, I saw a story on CNN about a female soldier who chose to stay home and care for her son over deploying with her unit to Afghanistan. The story stated that the female soldier had a Family Care Plan in place which fell through less than 24 hours before her unit was to leave. Ironically, the soldier is currently confined on base to await charges while her son is in her Family Care Plan.
As an ex-Army wife, I can say I am completely offended by this woman's actions. Currently, every soldier is notified of deployment months, and sometimes years, in advance. The Family Care Plan is stated in black and white, signed by every soldier and repeated about five thousand times before deploying. It seems a little too convenient for this woman's plan to fall through less than 24 hours before she is due to leave, especially when she has known of this deployment most likely before the child was even conceived.
Over 30,000 single mothers have served in the Iraq and Afghanistan wars, according to a recent report compiled by the Iraq and Afghanistan Veterans of America. The attempt this soldier made to get out of her deployment is an insult to the mothers who had the courage and were responsible enough to serve.
My situation was not fair. Yes, my husband signed a contract and swore an oath. However, I feel he was taken advantage of under a policy that is no longer in practice. When my husband and I learned he was going to deploy, we did not run, we did not hide. Seven months after I swore my marriage vows, I had to kiss him goodbye and send him off to war.
For those of us who have, or had, someone they love serve in this, and any other war, this woman's actions are an insult. As a former reluctant Army wife who sucked it up and did what had to be done, I commend any person who dealt with the same and I deplore anyone who tried to pull cheap tricks to get out of it.
Skip forward to when his unit was set to deploy in Iraq. We knew long before it ever happened. The only alleviating factor was his contract was to be completed before that time arrived.
The term "Stop Loss" came up around this time, a policy forcing a soldier to deploy with his unit within 90 days, regardless of his contract being up. At this time, a new Secretary of Defense, Robert Gates, was appointed and shouted loudly about eradicating this policy, which had long since been done away with in other branches of the military.
I had never planned on being an Army wife. However, I watched as my husband became a casualty of the Stop Loss policy.
People told me a lot of things, everything from how the time will fly to the latest war violence on the news, which, by the way, was "SO appreciated" (insert sarcasm here).
I spent 15 months separated from my husband. He came home briefly on leave after four months, for two weeks, after which I was separated from him for almost a year.
The time did not "fly by." In fact, almost a year after having him home, I can say it was truly the longest, most difficult, gut-wrenching and horrifying experience of my life. I would not wish it on my worst enemy.
Recently, I saw a story on CNN about a female soldier who chose to stay home and care for her son over deploying with her unit to Afghanistan. The story stated that the female soldier had a Family Care Plan in place which fell through less than 24 hours before her unit was to leave. Ironically, the soldier is currently confined on base to await charges while her son is in her Family Care Plan.
As an ex-Army wife, I can say I am completely offended by this woman's actions. Currently, every soldier is notified of deployment months, and sometimes years, in advance. The Family Care Plan is stated in black and white, signed by every soldier and repeated about five thousand times before deploying. It seems a little too convenient for this woman's plan to fall through less than 24 hours before she is due to leave, especially when she has known of this deployment most likely before the child was even conceived.
Over 30,000 single mothers have served in the Iraq and Afghanistan wars, according to a recent report compiled by the Iraq and Afghanistan Veterans of America. The attempt this soldier made to get out of her deployment is an insult to the mothers who had the courage and were responsible enough to serve.
My situation was not fair. Yes, my husband signed a contract and swore an oath. However, I feel he was taken advantage of under a policy that is no longer in practice. When my husband and I learned he was going to deploy, we did not run, we did not hide. Seven months after I swore my marriage vows, I had to kiss him goodbye and send him off to war.
For those of us who have, or had, someone they love serve in this, and any other war, this woman's actions are an insult. As a former reluctant Army wife who sucked it up and did what had to be done, I commend any person who dealt with the same and I deplore anyone who tried to pull cheap tricks to get out of it.
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